It has been a month since returning to the USA, and it has been a whirlwind of emotions and trials trying to get used to my own culture again. To be honest, some of it has been pretty rough and it has taken a lot longer to get used to than I thought. I had been told many things about coming home while I was abroad; things that I should be prepared for. I was told that I would feel like an outsider to my own culture– that I would have new insane superhuman hearing when it comes to conversations that are going on around me, and that I would feel like I just had the adventure of a lifetime and that through the adventure, I will see for the first time how profoundly it has changed my life. All of that was SO true and then some. I have found this coming home business to be both disturbing and wonderful….disturbing, because it amazes me how I can be a complete stranger to the place where I was raised in such a short amount of time. Wonderful, because its like I am seeing my own country with a new set of eyes.
At first, it was just little things that threw me through the culture shock loop. Everything I was experiencing was dreamlike, and only vaguely familiar. Almost like I had experienced them in another lifetime.
“Why can’t I drive anymore? Who has the right of way again? What do you mean cops will actually do something about it? People do that here, like that's a thing now? Oh my gosh, running in altitude SUCKS!”
But then slowly, creeping up on me like a snake, big things became a problem. I couldn’t hold conversations, because I heard EVERYTHING going on around me...
Also, things that should be easy, like simple words in sentences, would get jumbled in my mind. I would be translating them from English to French, and then back to English and what would come out wouldn’t be either one of those languages. For the first three weeks, I would stare blankly at the person checking me out at stores, almost like I didn’t understand their simple “Did you find everything okay?”. I understood the words that came out of their mouth, I just couldn’t respond appropriately. It was frustrating. It's a scary feeling when your mind doesn’t feel normal. It's like there are a thousand things it wants to express, but your mouth just can’t say them.
However, the two most difficult things that I have been adjusting to, and what I am still struggling with the most, is the ever-present boredom I battle, and how much I miss people who can relate to me.
I am bored. I have just spent a year traveling, living in a fairytale where everything is new and exciting, and now I am back to a life that I had once been a part of. I know it sounds obnoxious, but it's the truth of it. This whole real-life thing is throwing me off the horse, and I don’t know how to get back on. The worst part is, those who would understand what I am going through aren’t around to hang out with. My friends who get ‘it’ (whatever it is) are scattered throughout the world, trying to get back to their own lives; dealing with their own ‘real world’ problems. Of course we text, we e-mail, we chat on the phone, but it's not the same as just giving them a look and having them completely understand. I miss the camaraderie of those people.
Sure, friends and acquaintances ask me how I liked France, and how my experience abroad was, but nobody really cares about the answer. I say “Fantastic! I had the best time.” and they smile and nod, and then change the subject. Which is fine, I get it. I don’t even know what I really want them to say to me…because trying to convey everything that I have experienced within the last year in a way where people would understand is impossible. I would just give an inadequate version of the truth. And I would be annoying.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be back. I don’t hate things here. In fact, in many ways I am happier, and I definitely don’t take things for granted anymore! Life is just different, and I have to get used to it again.
In the last month, I have been reunited with my best friends, and that has been worth the return in every way. I’ve also seen my brother for the first time in a year and a half, and I have gotten to spend time with my niece who has grown so much! Personal choices are easier too! I have been able to wear jeans, boots and tie-dye without repercussions! I have been able to shoot guns, swim in the river, and most importantly, I have been able to frolic in my beautiful Sierra Nevada mountains again and live a simple life…and that has filled my heart in a way where all my adventures in Europe couldn’t.
Like I said, its just a matter of getting used to where I am. Looking back on all that I have done, and all the possibilities I have here in my own country….I can’t help but think of this quote:
“We travel not to escape life, but so that life will not escape us.”
Molly Dunn is a CEA student who studied abroad in Aix-en-Provence for the 2012-2013 academic year. You can find this post and many other about her experiences abroad in southern France on her blog.
At first, it was just little things that threw me through the culture shock loop. Everything I was experiencing was dreamlike, and only vaguely familiar. Almost like I had experienced them in another lifetime.
“Why can’t I drive anymore? Who has the right of way again? What do you mean cops will actually do something about it? People do that here, like that's a thing now? Oh my gosh, running in altitude SUCKS!”
But then slowly, creeping up on me like a snake, big things became a problem. I couldn’t hold conversations, because I heard EVERYTHING going on around me...
Also, things that should be easy, like simple words in sentences, would get jumbled in my mind. I would be translating them from English to French, and then back to English and what would come out wouldn’t be either one of those languages. For the first three weeks, I would stare blankly at the person checking me out at stores, almost like I didn’t understand their simple “Did you find everything okay?”. I understood the words that came out of their mouth, I just couldn’t respond appropriately. It was frustrating. It's a scary feeling when your mind doesn’t feel normal. It's like there are a thousand things it wants to express, but your mouth just can’t say them.
However, the two most difficult things that I have been adjusting to, and what I am still struggling with the most, is the ever-present boredom I battle, and how much I miss people who can relate to me.
I am bored. I have just spent a year traveling, living in a fairytale where everything is new and exciting, and now I am back to a life that I had once been a part of. I know it sounds obnoxious, but it's the truth of it. This whole real-life thing is throwing me off the horse, and I don’t know how to get back on. The worst part is, those who would understand what I am going through aren’t around to hang out with. My friends who get ‘it’ (whatever it is) are scattered throughout the world, trying to get back to their own lives; dealing with their own ‘real world’ problems. Of course we text, we e-mail, we chat on the phone, but it's not the same as just giving them a look and having them completely understand. I miss the camaraderie of those people.
Sure, friends and acquaintances ask me how I liked France, and how my experience abroad was, but nobody really cares about the answer. I say “Fantastic! I had the best time.” and they smile and nod, and then change the subject. Which is fine, I get it. I don’t even know what I really want them to say to me…because trying to convey everything that I have experienced within the last year in a way where people would understand is impossible. I would just give an inadequate version of the truth. And I would be annoying.
Don’t get me wrong, I am happy to be back. I don’t hate things here. In fact, in many ways I am happier, and I definitely don’t take things for granted anymore! Life is just different, and I have to get used to it again.
In the last month, I have been reunited with my best friends, and that has been worth the return in every way. I’ve also seen my brother for the first time in a year and a half, and I have gotten to spend time with my niece who has grown so much! Personal choices are easier too! I have been able to wear jeans, boots and tie-dye without repercussions! I have been able to shoot guns, swim in the river, and most importantly, I have been able to frolic in my beautiful Sierra Nevada mountains again and live a simple life…and that has filled my heart in a way where all my adventures in Europe couldn’t.
Like I said, its just a matter of getting used to where I am. Looking back on all that I have done, and all the possibilities I have here in my own country….I can’t help but think of this quote:
“We travel not to escape life, but so that life will not escape us.”
Molly Dunn is a CEA student who studied abroad in Aix-en-Provence for the 2012-2013 academic year. You can find this post and many other about her experiences abroad in southern France on her blog.